Off The Wall #10

Oh, Turkey Leg

I love the holiday season (which for me starts with Halloween), but I’ve just about had it with the Christmas music and it’s only November 28th. Radio stations all over the country started playing Christmas music on Thanksgiving Day.

I’m listening to a classic rock station on Thanksgiving Day and they played “Highway to Hell” and “American Pie” followed by “Have A Very Merry Christmas.” I found this odd, to say the least.

Apparently there’s no such thing as Thanksgiving music, or they might have waited until the day after Thanksgiving to start the Christmas music. Maybe I should write some Thanksgiving songs:

(Sung to the tune of “Oh, Christmas Tree”)

Oh, Turkey leg, oh, turkey leg
How I love your dark meat
Oh, Turkey leg, oh, turkey leg
Where are your turkey feet?
Turkey leg I have you
Grasped within my fist
You’re the one part of the turkey
That everyone can resist
Dark meat turkey leg, dark meat turkey leg
You’re fate has yet to be sealed
Perhaps one day, oh, turkey leg
You’re greatness will be revealed

(Sung to the tune of “The Little Drummer Boy”)

I got the turkey leg
Pa-rum-pum-pum-pum
A deep-fried turkey leg
Pa-rum-pum-pum-pum
That turkey had small legs
Pa-rum-pum-pum-pum
Rum-pum-pum-pum

Not good? Not bad compared to some of those beloved songs we hear 327 times between Thanksgiving and New Year’s.

I’m not an Anti-Christmasite by any means, but the music leaves a lot to be desired. I’m pretty sure there are only about twelve Christmas songs, but they just keep playing them over and over again. Every year some singer puts out a Christmas album but it’s just those same twelve songs we’ve been hearing all these years.

Silent Night? Really? Apparently the guy who wrote “Silent Night” didn’t have a wife or children, or he moved out on December 23rd, because there’s no such thing as a silent night the night before Christmas, especially if Christmas carolers are walking around your neighborhood singing “Silent Night.”

Oh, Christmas Tree? We’re singing songs about a tree? This is undoubtedly the only song ever written about a tree.

The worst song of all is “Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer,” which basically describes a senile old woman in the wrong place at the wrong time. The first time you hear it, it’s amusing. The 327th time you hear it, it’s nauseating.

New Year’s is the only other holiday that has a song and it only has one, “Auld Lang Syne.”

Nobody knows what an Auld Lang Syne is or even exactly how the lyrics are sung, but by midnight on New Year’s Eve, nobody notices anyway.

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Randy Hartless is Executive Director of the Parker Area Chamber of Commerce, columnist and regular contributor on KLPZ 1380am.