A weekend on the river

This past weekend showed exactly why people love the Parker area. It was Memorial Day weekend, the first of three summer holidays. (Many would argue that we have four holidays if you count the Parker Tube Float that brings thousands to the river each summer. I would have to agree with that.)

Sunny skies, cool water, boats, wave runners, coolers, bikinis, drinking, dancing and a weekend full of other shenanigans were signs that Parker has once again been chosen to be the ‘good time’ destination for many.

The above descriptors can be seen many places up and down the Parker Strip, and a very high concentration can be found at Roadrunner Floating Dock Bar & Restaurant.

Over the last five years I’ve had the opportunity to see the river party culture up close and personal. It’s on these holiday weekends that I have DJ’d and MC’d for the masses at Roadrunner. This past weekend was no exception. My good friend and old classmate Tim Green DJ’d this past weekend with myself filling the MC role. The two of us worked the entire weekend: Noon to 5pm and then back at 8pm til 2 in the morning. To say “We saw a lot” would be an understatement considering that Roadrunner has long been a party destination on the river.

Over the weekend I made the observations below. What better way to report on the big weekend?:

• I’ve heard the greeting “Sup Brah!” approximately 1,000,000 times tonight.
• That is one of the tiniest human beings I’ve ever seen. She’s either 7 years old or an Olympic gymnast.
• Dear Guy Wearing Black Visor with Fake Spiky Hair, please stop grabbing yourself while you dance. Stop it. Sincerely, Everyone
• Whoa! That dude is either an on-call dentist performing an exam or just some guy who wants to kiss that poor woman.
• If there were only a way to harness the power of bouncing body parts we could provide power for the entire planet tonight.
• Nice try sweet-cheeks, but if you were actually a stripper you’d be broke and unemployed.
• There’s always that one guy with a whistle at the club that should be beaten without prejudice. “Should I bring the whistle?… Yeah, whistles are cool, people won’t be annoyed at all.”
• Flat bill cap…. check. Board shorts…. check. Tank top…. check. Flip flops…. check. “Alright Brahs, let’s head to Parker for the weekend!!!”
• To the guy wearing the hoodie… what the hell?! Maybe it’s time to get a calendar.
• If you want to see some good dancing don’t look at the super skinny girls, look at the others. Now those girls can dance!
• This guy has one breakdance move and he’s been doing it for the last 25 minutes. I expect the same if DJ Timmy were to play Adele.
• Shhhhhh…Honey, you’ve been in my booth for 10 minutes I’m not sure at this point that you even know how to request a song.
• Things to do: (1) Wear bright colored solid polo shirt with neon patterned board shorts. (2) Punch self in face.
• Having a mirror on the wall in front of the dance floor is simultaneously the best and worst thing that ever happened to a club.
• Attention Guy Wearing Oversized Sombrero: Cinco de Mayo was 20 days ago. Either take it off or go make me some nachos. Gracias.
• I feel bad for a lot of these people… by the looks of it they’ve never enjoyed the awesomeness of really greasy bacon cheeseburger.
• If the weather tonight were any better it would no longer be summer!
• If those two keep dancing that close they’re gonna… yep, they just conceived a child. Mazel tov!
• That girl is flirting so badly with every guy that I’m honestly becoming suspicious that she’s an alien species who needs to mate with human males in order to create a new race of bloodthirsty aliens.
• No “Brah”, I don’t need to play Tupac for the last song.
• Wonder Woman two-piece swimsuit: great choice! Dolphin tattoo on lower back: not so much.
• Ya know those booty shorts that have writing across the butt? Well they should make ones that say “OUT OF STYLE“, cuz that’s what they are.
• You haven’t seen amazing until you’ve seen a full-bearded midget do the Harlem Shake.
• That guy makes a shot glass look like a gallon jug!
• Cowboy hat, sandals with socks, and a fanny pack? Yeah guy, you’re doing it wrong.
• How does a guy wearing a freaking fanny pack get a girl that hot?!
• Fanny Pack Guy is dancing with 7 girls and they all dig him… that’s Fanny Pack Power!
• Siri, remind me to buy a fanny pack on Monday.
• Fanny Pack Guy falls on face trying to dance on railing… Fanny Pack Failure.
• Siri, cancel fanny pack shopping on Monday.
• Well, that guy may not be wearing a fanny pack, but his date sure is packing a fanny… daaayum!!
• Life lesson learned by DJing: There will always be more people watching than people dancing. Which will you be as you go through life?
• A full moon always brings the wolves out.
• Some girl gave me her number. Yep, still got it!
• Q: What’s in those teeny tiny backpacks that those muscly, buff guys wear? A: Their sense of style
• Just ’cause you look good in a wife-beater doesn’t mean you should wear it, Brah.
• Turns out that phone number was actually for the DJ. Crap.

So as you can tell it was a holiday weekend filled with music, dancing, and just all out craziness. Overall you could say it was a success. I hope your weekend was equally as entertaining… and remember to always party responsibly my friends.